My frustration level this morning is beyond compare.  I can hardly contain it.  As of a couple hours ago, I couldn’t.  I was in tears.  My body is frustrating me and I can’t seem to fix it.  There’s nothing I can do but sit and wait.

I started bleeding again last night.  Not just a little bit.  I had to change clothes.  I had to sit in the bathroom forever.  Just flushing my fears.  It was the bad color.  You may not know this, but there are good and bad colors to blood when you are pregnant.  This was bad.  Very bad.  Especially when you are 13 weeks and you are supposed to be healing up.

I debated.  I couldn’t sleep.  I waited 4 hours.  It continued.  “Why was this happening?  Why now?”  We were just getting optamistic.  We had finally told everyone that we were expecting this little peanut.  How hard would it be to pick up the phone and make the calls to say that it was done?

I finally got up and went to the ER.  Again.  I have a lengthy record there now.  It was 4am and I was exhausted.  I layed on the sterile hospital bed staring straight ahead as they put in another IV yet again.  I am getting used to this, I think. 

Thank goodness, the ER is slow.  I am the only one there at the moment.  I am rushed in for an ultrsound after they take all the required samples.  The ultrasound tech has a 4 month baby and had severe bleeding just like I do all through her 1st trimester.  She gives me hope.  We watch the baby bounce around.  Healthy and developed in all the right places.  Now only if my uterus can hold it there, safe and unharmed.

We look as the scan moves slightly to the side.  I can tell the hematoma is different.  It’s a different shape and it’s right there, big and ugly next to the babies sac.  The ultra sound tech says that can happen and may not mean something horrible.  We will have to wait for the results.

It only takes about 15 minutes for the doctor to return with the results.  The hematoma is larger.  It’s not good.  It’s not healing as it should.  They consult with the on-call ob/gyn from my doctors office.  I have met her before and trust her opinion.  She says to go home, and stay in bed.  There is a very great chance I could miscarry soon.  It’s large and it’s scary there inside my uterus. 

I manage to keep in most of my tears until I sign my discharge papers and go home.  I am so frustrated.  There is nothing I can do to fix it.  There was nothing I did to cause this.  It just happens.  I want to know “why” it has to happen like this?  I don’t think there is an answer and that is why I am so frustrated.  There is nothing to do but sit and wait.  A true test of patience.

So, I crawled into bed trying to catch up on sleep and hopefully to catch a ray of hope to get through today in a positive frame of mind.  Hopefully, time will heal this wound.


Someone forgot to tell Gret that you were supposed to pick the apples from the trees, not from the ground.  She sure had fun though at her first apple picking!

More Wordless Wednesday here and here.

Go to fullsize imageAt Zack’s 5th Birthday party the other day, we had a lovely statement about womanhood out of the mouth of a beloved 3 year old friend.  It still makes us all laugh and reminds us that you never know what goes on in a child’s mind.

We had just sung “Happy Birthday” and I was cutting the cake, there was a little moment of quiet amongst the kids as they all waited for their cake and icecream.  I guess the quiet was too much to bear for one little female friend because out of no where we all hear, “I have a VAGINA!” 

All the kids started saying either “Vagina!  I don’t have a vagina!” or “I’m a girl.  I have a vagina.” or some even just kept repeating the word “vagina” and giggling.  The adults really didn’t know what to say.  Do you draw attention to it or just let it ride it’s course?  You don’t want a girl to be embarrassed about the word vagina for goodness sakes!  She was proud of being a woman at the young age of 3!  Anyway, that little icebreaker made for a few minutes of kids shouting the word “vagina” and giggling.  It was good fun.  Not something you would expect for party conversation at a little boys party, but that’s why some of us had to leave the room laughing in sheer mirth.

Now anytime there is a lull in our conversation, Tomas or I will just blurt out, “I have a VAGINA!”  It always lightens the mood and restarts the conversation.  Thanks to our little buddy, we have new found social skills that are sure to last a lifetime.  Try it out…

“My Home Sweet Home”

Tweenies Greenies:  Monday Edition

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I am proud to say that we have taken one more small step to “green” up our home.  I have finally taken the plunge and changed our cat litter.  The cat litter has been a very touchy subject at our house.  Both Tomas and I HATE to change the litter.  It’s a dirty, stinky job, but somebody has to do it.  Plus, we love our little kitty and want to do what’s best for her as well.  Awwww….

One of the reasons that I hate to change the litter, is because my allergies act up quite badly when I change it.  I seem to be very sensitive to animal urine.  I know it sounds wierd but that is also why I can’t have gerbils or hamsters in my home.  It’s not the fur and dander, it’s the urine soaked cedar chips that trigger the sneezing and coughing.  If their urine touches my skin, it flares up in huge painful hives.  I have years of doing laboratory work with mice to thank for that sensitivity.  Anyway, I have that type of allergy and then also to dust.

If you have a cat and use clay based litter, you may notice a cloud of dust that rises up when you pour it into the litter pan.  This is what makes my eyes water and my throat scratchy.  Claylitter has silica in it, and that is a known carcinogenic.  When, you get that big dust cloud or even when your kitty paws around to bury her business, both of you are inhaling dangerous silica dust.  Overtime, that can be a big deal for both yours and your kittys health! 

Then there is the dangerous sodium bentonite that is the clumping agent in the scoopable litters.  It acts like expanding cement to “clump” the litter.  Just imagine what that does to then insides of your kitty when they lick that dust off their fur when they are cleaning themselves! 

Now, let’s talk a little about the environmental downside of clay based litters.  Clay is not considered a “renewable resource”.  Tons of it is strip mined from the Earth for the purpose of creating clay based littler.  Over 2 million tons of non-biodegradable cat litter made from clay ends up in our landfills every year.  Like other non-biodegradable materials, it will just sit and sit and sit there for years taking up space and wasting resources.

The last time I needed cat litter, I grabbed a bag of Feline Pine Cat Litter.  It’s made from pelleted renewable pine (no new trees were used) and is biodegradable.  Which means, no stip mining and that it won’t sit for ages in the landfill.  It is all natural, has no dust, no silica, no artificial fragrances are added and it also is not tracked out of the box by your sweet kitty. 

I just switched my whole litter box at once.  Our cat is not too picky about her litter.  But if you suspect yours may be a finicky fellow, you may want to slowly introduce the new litter by mixing it with the old.  I was worried that the pine litter wouldn’t soak up the urine and that it would stink to high heavens.  That soon proved to be a wasted worry.  There was literally very little odor, period.  The pine naturally neutralizes the ammonia in the urnine.  It absorbed any waste quickly and was easy to scoop.  Both Tomas and I ended up loving it.  It worked better than the clay clumping litter we had always used before.  Plus if you shop the sales, you can usually get it for just arond the same price as the clay based litters.  A big green change for a little money.

There are a few options for environmentally friendly litters.  There are those made from pine and there are litters made from wheat, corn or recycled newspaper.  Any pet supply store or major supermarket/shopping center should at least have one of these.  I have found Target to be the most reasonably priced in my area.

Take the plunge and switch your litter!  It’s so easy and the environmentally friendly brands really do work.

One more sidenote:  please do not flush your cat litter, even if you are using a flushable litter.  Our water treatment plants do not treat incoming waste water for toxioplasmosis gondii.  This is a parasite that many cats may carry and is found in their feces.  This parasite is dangerous to pregnant women and marine life.

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Since I discovered that Fiber One Bars were the work of the devil, I have been on a search for a new tasty, yet healthy snack bar.  I need high nutritional value, good fiber, and little processed junk.  Numerous people have recommended the KIND Fruit & Nut Bars.  I tried them.  I am hooked.  Hook and line and sinker.

These yummy, yummy bars are hand made in Australia.  Which just happens to be home to Patrick Rafter, one of the cutest tennis players of all time.  Wait, I mean THE cutest tennis player of all time.  That fact just added to their appeal.  The hand made part was also big for me.  I picture my grandma in a kitchen fixing up some KIND bars just for me.

KIND Bars are made with premium almonds, Brazilian Nuts, walnuts, peanuts, and chunks of all natural fruit held together by honey.  Because fruit and nuts can lower your risk of disease, you can feel great about what you are eating.  There are about 10 different KIND bars.  Plus, they just added KIND PLUS bars with added antioxidants and omega-3s.  The Cranberry Almond flavor looks absolutely delicious.

I tried the Almond & Coconut bar.  If you like coconut and almonds, this is the bar for you.  It tasted like the inside of an Almond Joy candy bar.  I was in heaven.  It was a little crunchier than other bars, but that didn’t bother me.  The honey held it together nicely so it didn’t crumble everywhere and created a nice balance of sweetness.  This particular bar is also gluten free, wheat and dairy free.  Has a good amount of fiber (4grams) and absolutely no trans fat.  There were only 7 ingredients in the whole bar to think about too.  Making label reading short and sweet.  The best part was, I never had any GI upset from it and the fiber also “did it’s job” for my intestines.  Unlike Fiber One, which rips a path through your intestines along the way.

KIND Bars slogan is “Be Kind to your body.  Be Kind to your taste buds.  Be Kind to the world.  It is brought to us by Peaceworks.  A not-only-for-profit company that seeks to foster peace through business.  Just another plus to buying these great snacks. 

Then there’s the downside.  The price.  Of course, something this good doesn’t come cheap.  I paid just under $2 for one bar.  Not a real bargain.  But it was a high quality product.  I am definitely going to look for these at a cheaper price, since $2 a bar is not something I can afford on a regular basis.  I noticed that there are online websites that offer discounts for buying them by the box, so maybe that’s a possibility. 

I am going to be trying some more bars, and I will let you know how they rate.  The next one, I have in my little fingers is a Cranberry Apple Boomi Bar.  I like the name and it also has 4g fiber, is vegetarian and also has 7 ingredients.  We shall see how that rates.  It’s considerably smaller in size, but it might be just as filling.  I’ll keep you updated on my quest for a great nutritious, affordable fiberous snack bar.

My little 5 year old super hero!  Complete with towel, clothespin, and dog leash lasso.

More Wordless Wednesday is here and here

I would like to say that I attempted to have a really “green” birthday party this weekend since this is a greenish blog.  But I can’t, because I didn’t.   When a larger group of people are in my house, there is no way I can have enough plates, cups, or silverware for the crowd unless I do disposable.  So that’s what we did.  Anyway, if you are suspecting some great green tips on how to have a pirate birthday party, forget it.

Zack is turning 5 this week!  I can’t believe it!  He’s getting so tall and acting so “grown-up” it shocks us from day to day.  Well, Zack was bent on having a theme party.  For some reason, he went from wanting an outer space party, to a Spider-man party (which I quickly squashed), and ended up with Pirate.  This was fine with me.  We are going to recycle some of the stuff for Halloween costumes, so that’s helpful.

The kids got inflatable pirate swords, pirate head scarves, eye patches, compasses, and a map in a little bag.  We did a treasure hunt where they were supposed to each find a little treasure chest with a little candy, gold coins, and pirate money.  I say “supposed to” because originally we were going to do a treasure hunt outside, but the oodles of rain we’ve had squashed that idea.  Everyone had the opportunity to cram into my house.  That was the only downside of the afternoon.

Well, I think the kids had a great time playing with the pirate booty and the adults hopefully weren’t ready to poke their eyes out by the end of the afternoon with the inflatable swords.  My most prized addition to the Pirate Party was the cake I made up.  For the kids birthdays, I always try make a cake that fits their theme.  I try to be creative.  I am stressing “try”.  I was a little stuck at first at how to make a pirate cake. Until I got this great idea.  I was at work and I quickly jotted down my plans, even though the kids I was tutoring thought I was a little weird.  They were thinking algebra and I was thinking pirate cake.

Well, here’s what I came up with…

Okay, so it doesn’t look as cool in these pics as I thought it did when it was sitting next to each other on the table.  These are actually the only 2 pictures that we took of the cake, so that’s what you get 🙂

It was very simple to make if you need an idea on how to start a pirate cake.  I just used 2 cake mixes.  One mix went in a 9×13 pan (for the water/base).  The other mix was split between a shallow bowl (for the island) and a loaf pan (for the boat).  I created the palm tree, oars, and the sail from craft paper, tootpicks and popsicle sticks I colored brown.  A little chocolate frosting and buttercream frosting dyed blue was used to frost it.  A little bit of green sprinkles gave the illusion of grass on the island and the pirate guys were 50 cents at the party supply store. Of all the cakes I have made so far, this was one of the easiest to decorate.

If you are looking for pirate goodies for a party or just for Halloween, now is the time to buy them.  Our local dollar store had tons of things in stock, Target had a bunch in their party section, Party City had more than you would ever need, and if you need more, check out any Halloween costume section. 

My kids are still pretending to be pirates this morning, so I think they really liked it!