Today is a better day.  Activity in the nether regions has slowed down.  I am more rested and can think rationally.  I talked to my own ob/gyn and she was a little less reactive than the other doctor.  Which is good because I can always use a calming force.  My worries and anxieties can get a little out of control.  That’s never helpful.  For instance, I was considering not eating beans for a few days because I was worried that bad gas would disrupt my uterus.  After considering this for a while and performing a couple experimental gas passes, I decided that gas really didn’t effect the bleeding.  But I thought about it for a long time.  Anyway, my doctor didn’t paint a rosey picture of the situation but seemed pretty certain that we could make this successful if I stuck with the bedrest.  “Don’t panic!”, is what she kept telling me, “it can take a long time to heal.  Stick with it.”  So, I am hanging in there and trying to move around as little as possible.

During my bedrest since yesterday, I did have one momentous occasion.  I felt the baby move!!  It is really week 14 now and I guess that’s about right timing wise.  It wasn’t anything huge, but it was a consistent light bumping in there.  It made me happy and sad at the same time.

Another bonus that happened over the past couple days.  I have involuntarily gained a life coach.  We are using the term “life coach” loosely and in good humor.  It evolved after my post-ultrasound pep-talk I received from her yesterday.  She sounded like a football coach trying to motivate a “down and out” team.  I kept calling her “coach” and it evolved from there.  My life coach calls me daily and gives me great positive motivation.  Although yesterday, I did shed a couple tears during a conversation.  She told me that I can heal my body with positive thoughts.  I agree, but it’s hard to do. I have tried to distract my brain from anxious thoughts and not think about the what ifs.  Instead, I am trying to think in terms of “it will happen”.  Such as:  “My baby will be fine.  It will happen.” Or, “My hematoma will start to shrink.  It will happen.”

My LC may also appreciate this little quote that was just randomly sent to my inbox today:

“If you keep your face to the sunshine.  You cannot see the shadow.”  –Helen Keller

And so, I look forward to the sunshine and am grateful for a good day.  Thanks to everyone for their kind wishes and thoughts!